Alien Abductions Incorporated
Someone has posted a page that advertises paid abductions on demand. While this is as serious as you want to make it, a couple quotes from the site may allow you to make up your own mind:
Alien Abductions Incorporated >> If they won’t contact you, contact us!
Thousands of individuals are abducted by aliens each year.
Who do the aliens choose, and why haven’t they chosen you?
Each abduction provides the growing community of Ufologists and related researchers with more information, but we must nevertheless accept that the answers to our questions about alien abductions are still a long way off…if, indeed, our questions can ever be fully answered.
The fact of the matter is that most people will probably never have the opportunity to be abducted by aliens. And even those elite few who are selected for abduction receive no assurances that they will fully remember their experience—much less a guarantee that their abduction will be everything that they hoped it would be.
So why wait? Why wonder if they’re ever going to come for you? Why even invest the time, trouble, and expense involved in an actual abduction when the highly trained and professional staff at Alien Abductions Incorporated can provide you with personalized, realistic memories of the alien abduction that you have been waiting for your entire life?
From the FAQ section:
To: info@alienabductions.com
Subject: Order Info
Will the T-shirt protect me from the Scanner Rays???
Chris S.
No, Chris, nothing can protect you from the Scanner Rays.
Keep an eye on our corporate blog and special offers pages, though: we periodically offer packaging specials on t-shirt purchases, including special protective coverings that prevent the Postal Service scanners from identifying your purchase and logging it in their database.
This covering can be recycled into headgear that may aid in deflecting scanner rays, brain scans, satellite photography, and other unwanted intrusions on your privacy.
Of course, this is almost certainly a viral marketing ploy or some sort of entertainment industry project, (or an elaborate joke) but it’s still fun to poke around the site.
Hat tip to Mac Tonnies.
This entry was posted
on Monday, September 28th, 2009 at 12:23 am and is filed under Abductions, Hoaxes, Humorous, Wake Up Down There. You can follow responses via RSS 2.0 feed.
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Sep 28 2009 
September 28th, 2009 at 1:57 am
Do they offer their services to customers from abroad like me ?
September 28th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Joe,
Send ‘em a message and ask. Don’t expect an answer, though!
September 29th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I want my money back! These abductions come without a warranty, so if you’re not pleased you’re out the full hundred bucks. My abductors were salacious, greedy, oily, and wore Don Ho shirts. None of that melting through the wall bs; these thugs pounded on the door
then busted out a window with the butts of their .45s.
I was led out of the house at gunpoint in no uncertain terms. These particular space drifters were supplementing their interstellar unemployment checks with this job and needed some of my car parts to rebuild their carburetor. They also had to take a piss. One guy had to hold the choke in all the way up to the
mothership. Yes, their saucers still use piston engines. My abductors were in the mentally challenged category: one notch above mankind. I was left in a
Walmart parking lot without a cent.
September 30th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Haywood,
A humorous account.