Adventures at UFO Meetings
A couple of nights ago Nick and I were talking about off-the-charts strangeness of the human kind at UFO gatherings and conventions.
Nick remembered one guy who attends all the high-profile events in the western US and stands in the hallway just outside the lecture hall to see the presentations for free. I wonder how many times he’s been shooed away. He approached Nick once and said he looked like a hippie, which is probably the last thing that comes to mind when you see him!
Then there’s the ubiquitous, generic “Q&A Hog,” who doesn’t so much ask a question as take over the room and deliver a free lecture. Roswell’s Guy Malone was corralled as a moderator for one Q&A I did at the National UFO Convention in Hollywood a few years ago. After warning people that the microphone was for QUESTIONS ONLY, he stood near it and waited for people to step up. If someone went on for more than 30 seconds or so, he said “I don’t hear a question here” and went to the next person in line. This is a great idea. Arguments with the speaker or personal rants are rude to the presenter, the audience, and others waiting their turn.
Los Angeles MUFON meetings used to feature a man who was autistic (or something) who would get up during the public questions and deliver a speech on whatever was on his mind at the time. In contrast to others of the type, I actually enjoyed his talks, because they often had nothing to do with the subject at hand, and were always so convoluted that no one in the room had any idea what he was talking about. In addition, you realized that he had some sort of problem and wasn’t really acting rude or belligerent. He was over six feet tall and probably weighed close to 300 pounds. It was fun to watch the audience and organizers squirm when he stood up to talk. I couldn’t wait to call on him when I was the scheduled speaker.
He approached my book table once and actually followed me out to the parking lot as I was leaving! I think he was trying to get me interested in his theory in which quantum leaps of evolution were caused by either comets or lightning–I can’t remember which. For the last few minutes he simply recited a list of all the animals that were beneficiaries of this process, including shrews, brontosauruses, hippos, cows, earthworms, and “screech monkeys.” That last one became an in-joke with my friends.
Years later, he started listening to prozac or something, and apparently lost his public speaking powers. Too bad. I actually ended up giving him a ride home after one of my speaking dates because everyone else was afraid to.
One woman came to my book signing table after a lecture where I had some sort of attack of nerves which manifested in an uncontrollable itch at the tip of my nose. People in the room were probably wondering if I was a speed freak or something, but this nice lady tried to help. She said that every time I told the truth, my itch would flare up. I don’t know how she knew which statements were “true,” but she told me that she knew why: I had an alien implant in my forehead that was being used to torture me.
She presented me with a tiny drawing of my face that diagrammed exactly where the implant was and where it connected to my nervous system. The picture made me look like a rubber-lipped gorilla. I saved it and hope to get it framed someday.
I think the implant is still embedded in my cranium. I’m getting another itching attack right now!
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Jan 30 2009 
January 30th, 2009 at 11:20 am
I think Nick’s only a pair of Doc Martens away from looking like a extra out of Romper Stomper. I’m just kidding, but he’s certainly not hippie material.
There are more than a few delusional folks obsessed with the ufo subject. Makes me think of that Stephen King book Misery.
January 31st, 2009 at 1:44 am
Nick, as a hippie…that’s rich. And a reach. He’s more like the anti-hippie…
Good post, Greg. Do you have a drawing of that implant in your nose?
The same thing happened at Roswell, as I recall, when you did the Bennetwitz lecture, but not when you did the Contactee lecture.
January 31st, 2009 at 9:52 am
“Then there’s the ubiquitous, generic “Q&A Hog,” who doesn’t so much ask a question as take over the room and deliver a free lecture.”
Oh yeah…I’ve to only three UFO conferences but at each one, there was someone like that at all of them. Goes with the phenomena I guess.
I like the idea of having a moderator who shoos ‘em off…
February 1st, 2009 at 4:21 am
Any encounters with openly violent individuals in one of those UFO gigs?
PS: Nick is ‘Bizarro-Hippy’
February 1st, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Ben,
I hope not.
February 1st, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Adam,
I’ve been looking for the drawing. I’ll find it eventually.
What happens in Roswell…goes all over the internet.
February 1st, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Regan,
Yeah it happens all the time. On Radio Misterioso tonight, Walter pointed out that this happens on radio and ‘net shows too.
Q&A “shooers” should probably be a permanent feature, sort of like bouncers at clubs.
February 1st, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Three words: Juhan af Graan.
February 2nd, 2009 at 5:22 am
Yes, a hippie! The ultimate insult!!!